My Journey with Church Music // Combating Fear

I was 14 when I first started normally filling the larger piano roles at church.  At first, taking on important musical responsibilities at church was understandably nerve-wracking.  It was new and scary.  People understood the nervousness those first couple times.  But what no one told me is that the nerves just intensify as time goes by.

  I guess I am one of those people that gets more scared as I get older.  The 8-year-old who once rode a 13-story drop-tower with minimal second thoughts now has panic attacks on rollercoasters and has to have her older brother hold her hand and remind her how brave she was for having fought cancer.

  That was completely hypothetical, of course.

  Ahem. 

  I didn’t count on the nerves increasing as my piano responsibilities increased.  I just assumed that the more I played for church, the more comfortable and natural it would become.

  Fast forward to today.  It’s a daily struggle and my nerves are on edge constantly.  Fear plagues me at the most unexpected times.  One thought about upcoming church music responsibilities can result in a dramatic breakdown inside of me – and sometimes outside, too.

I have an offertory in a week but I don’t have anything prepared!

Help!  I don’t know how to modulate between those keys!

We’re singing Christmas hymns in June; what should I play for a prelude?

  The latter sentence was a true situation in my life earlier this summer, and I will confess that I had a mental breakdown over whether or not I should play a Christmas prelude.  A couple of you might have already known that though because I texted you to ask for your opinion. ;)

  I’ll confess that I handled the situation with very little maturity.  Late the night before the dreaded Christmas-in-June service (our pastor was preaching through Luke 2, hence the Christmas theme), I was curled up on a chair in our living room, bawling my eyes out.  My mom was sitting across the room, probably thinking her daughter was absolutely out of her mind to be crying over such an insignificant matter (was she right? I’ll let you judge). 

  I was petrified.  Not only did I have to play first piano with little notice, but I also had to come up with a 5 minute prelude with smooth modulations between all hymns, with or without including Christmas hymns.  And it was past 10 on a Saturday night… I was running out of time!

  To wrap up the story, everything went perfectly fine.  Despite my utterly distressing breakdown and my life-and-death-situation mentality concerning the whole thing, I survived. :)  And to be honest, I’ll admit that no matter the decision I made, it was probably bound to go pretty chill anyway.

  So, if it went so uneventful in the end… why all the tears?  Why did I waste so much energy and get exhausted for no reason?

  One word: FEAR.

  According to dictionary.com, the definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

  I almost laughed when I read the line “whether the threat is real or imagined.”  Girls, human nature is so prone to being fearful for ridiculous reasons – so much so, that the dictionary even acknowledges it!  (By the way, did you know that I was scared to death to share this series?  I've had it in the works and ready to go for weeks!)

  I’m going to hazard a wild guess and say that at least 50% of our fears aren’t valid.  Hmm… you know what, I’ll move that up to 75%.  And that’s probably still a huge understatement!

  Be honest with yourself: when is the last time your fear actual manifested itself to be true?  Of course, there are "valid fears" such as a fear of potentially dangerous animals (snake bite, anyone?).  But talking about personal fears of the future (“impending danger, evil, pain, etc.”): when was the last time your fear actually proved itself to be true?  Think about that for a minute.

  Fear is a monstrous topic and one that I could hardly write on accurately enough, so I’ve decided to cap my personal musings here and look to the inspired Word of God for advice.  Here are some verses to think about…

“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?” – Psalm 118:6

“I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” – Psalm 34:4

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” – Psalm 28:7

(I couldn’t help but say something here… I love how our natural response to experiencing the blessing of trusting in the Lord is to praise and sing!  Musical praise is a result of help and deliverance, not a reason to put us back in chains of fear!)

Based on what we have read and understand from God’s Word, here are some takeaways we can derive...

1 – Trust God.  

  This is a lot easier said than done, isn’t it?  But really, I believe that if we truly make a conscious, consistent decision to trust God with our fears, than He WILL help us.

2 – Pray.  

  Did you note Psalm 34:4, above?  When we seek the Lord, He is faithful to hear us (see Matthew 7:7-8!).  Prayer is also a specific, practical way to deepen our trust in God, because when we pray we are verbally surrendering our fears to Him.

3 – Play for an audience of ONE.  

  When you are home alone practicing, do you worry a lot?  Probably not, since you’re playing for no ones’ ears except yours and God’s.  But does anything really change when you get up in front of people?  If we truly believe that only God’s opinion matters, we will stop being so afraid of what other people will think.  View your music ministry as an offering to God!  Play your very best for HIM, whether that means you play flawlessly or mess up the whole thing.  Give 100% and give it to God; not to yourself and not to others.  To GOD.

  

  It sounds pretty cliché, doesn’t it?  It’s always the answer.  Trust, pray, play for God alone… it sounds simple and easy.  The perfect fear-away formula.

  

  The truth is, fear is a big emotion.  If we are not careful, it can creep into our hearts unnoticed and enslave us in a moment.  It is real.  But so is our God!  And cliché or not, He wants us to pray, trust, and give our utmost for His glory alone.

I’d like to leave you with this little reminder…

“…for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7b

I’d love to know…

How do you handle fear?

What is one way God has shown Himself faithful to deliver you from fear?

Name one word you would use to best describe the opposite of “fear.”