Modesty Talk | When Others Have Different Convictions

Hey y’all!  Today I’d like to touch on a topic a blog reader requested back in October: how clothing effects who I choose to hang out with, and what I feel/do when I’m around people with different modesty values.  This question honestly couldn’t have come at a better time, as it is something I have thought a lot about these past couple months.  I’ve had some trouble putting my thoughts down on paper, so please forgive my scatter-brained-ness. :)

Many of you know that last fall I was able to play volleyball with a new, conveniently located team.  Those of you who are familiar with indoor volleyball also know that the shorts that typical volleyball players wear are pretty miniscule.  If you have worn them or don’t see anything wrong with them, please don't think I am trying to judge or condemn.  But for me personally, they’re out of both my comfort zone and my modesty standards.

As the season began, many of the girls I was around at the practice facility were very vocal about wearing the typical shorts, as opposed to the longer ones we were given with our jerseys.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I struggled with the decision of what shorts to wear.  It was painful being the odd one out.  My Christian witness made me even less bearable, and I quickly became the outcast.

Despite the daily struggles of being on a team where I felt keenly that I was unwelcome, I knew the right thing to do was to remain strong in my modesty convictions.  If I showed you our team photos, you’d probably laugh.  My decision to wear long shorts was apparent.

As I fought temptation and a sharp sting of rejection, there were several different questions I mused over during the season, three of which I'm going to discuss below.

Volleyball is the one and only sport I have ever pursued, and it’s the main way I keep myself active.  Does the good outweigh the bad?  Or is that even the way I should be thinking about it?

Let's take apart the questions and talk about it (remember, this is a discussion -- you need to join in below! ;)

How much temptation is too much before I should leave?

This question is a hard one.  Someone’s initial response might be, “Flee temptation!”  However, in today’s culture, we cannot walk out our door without being confronted with immodesty and temptation.  We might as well be hermits and never show our faces again!

Immodesty is impossible to miss.  You WILL encounter people who wear clothing that you would not approve of.  It’s a given. It doesn’t mean you go searching for it; however, neither does it mean you should never go anywhere because of it.

If the temptation isn’t much more than an annoyance or makes you feel like the odd one out, that’s probably not going to be a huge issue.  You’re a Christian, and you’re called to be separate from the world.  When you see sin, it should bother you.  A problem arises when you start envying, or craving, or desiring to rebel against your convictions, or those your parents have set for you.  You need to seriously search your heart, communicate about these struggles with your parents and trusted mentors, and seek God’s face.  I trust that God will speak to your heart and help you make the best decision for your personal situation.

For me, I did struggle with temptation to wear what the others were wearing, but the Lord gave me strength to do what I felt was right, and after I made that conscious decision, things were a lot easier.  I chose a specific pair of shorts to wear – ones that were modest in my standards, I felt comfortable in, and liked – and after that point I didn’t feel tempted to compromise.

Is there a point at which I should completely STOP being around someone just because of how they dress?  Should I  hang out with them at all?

First off, this is not the question we should be asking because modesty is not the real issue; the heart is.  The people you interact with - and the levels and time of interaction you spend - should not be based merely on the outward appearance, but on the heart.  I don’t think modesty convictions alone should cause you to leave behind someone completely; however, immodesty might be an indication of a deeper heart issue.  A persons’ heart is far more important than the outward appearance.  Be concerned with the inward person more than the outward.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in being around girls who are unsaved or devoid of standards (if they’re one, there’s a good chance they’re the other).  We are called to make disciples, and to do that, we must reach out to those who have different lifestyles.  However, this should not be your main friend group.  You must guard your heart, even as you witness.  Your closest friends should be Christians.  You can still have unsaved friends, but they shouldn’t be your go-to girls.

A word of caution: if you have brothers like I do, be careful how often you invite these girls over.  If you’re reaching out to them, you may want to have them over to meet your family or be in a more laid-back, warm setting.  But if you’re just getting together as friends, having them hang around your brothers in their immodest clothing may pose a major stumbling block.

Overall, I would say that I do feel uncomfortable around those whose standards are much different than mine.  As a stranger in this world, that is to be expected.  When I’m around people with different standards, I just try to be a light through my own decisions and attitude.  That is what we all should be striving to do.  By joyfully dressing in a modest, feminine, and fashionable way, you can encourage others to wear clothing that is cute and modest at the same time!

Please join the conversation below!

Disclaimer: I do not mean to judge or condemn anyone in this post.  I understand that everyone has different modesty standards.  Although this post is geared towards my general readership which consists of Christian girls who tend to be more conservative in values, this post is relative to everyone, regardless of what convictions they have.  I believe modesty is something each and every child of God needs to seriously consider, pray about, and embrace.